wake up call.

well, the fact that life really is about to drastically change for me is starting to become real. i can almost touch it, it's within my reach...

and i feel helpless. i feel excited. i feel scared. i feel ready. i feel nervous.

i've wanted this for i can't tell you how long, to move to salt lake city, and be a part of the rock church, and to be graduated from college, and now, to be close to zach. and now, it's so close i can count the days. i can count the weeks on one hand. it's close.

i feel emotional about it, when for so long i've been checked out. i've been so apathetic. i apologize to my friends, to my family.

want the truth? the truth is, i'm REALLY going to miss you all. the truth is God has BLESSED me with the most amazing people who love me and care about me, and who have changed my life. the truth is, once i move i won't see my family any weekend i want to go home and see them. the truth is, sunday football won't include sitting by a nice warm fireplace and eating dad's green chili in my family's company. the truth is i won't see the same smiling faces every wednesday night at small group. i won't walk upstairs to see two adorable children, excited about one thing or another, and an amazing Godly woman there to brighten my day. i won't get to join my best friend at new belgium at four pm on a friday for free beer samples. i won't get to see my best friends anytime i want. things will be different, and i finally feel that pain...because the change is so close that i can't take these things for granted. there's not a lot of time left here with these people.

i just don't want to lose you all. i don't want to be distant. i don't want to miss out.

i know that what God has for me in the future is GOOD. i am so excited to join my brothers and sisters in Salt Lake who love Jesus, and music, and Starbucks (ha ha). i know that God is going to use this transition to grow me in ways that i couldn't have here in colorado. God is going to stretch me out of my comfort zone, and it will be good. it will be scary, but so good.

i just wanted to be honest, and share my heart. life is crazy and scary and i couldn't ever do it without my Jesus. He's the only only only only ONLY one who is the Same. HE is my Safe Place, He is my Home.

don't get me wrong, i still want to move to utah and be with zach so so badly, and i am thrilled to be there...but to every beginning, there is an ending. and all i've ever known is colorado. but this will be good, because my real Home is still waiting for me, and that is never going to change. and God lives in me and goes with me, which is the greatest thing of all. i have comfort and joy knowing that God directs my steps, and He has planned this for me before He gave me breath. it makes me smile in knowing that. i only ever want to be in the center of Your Will, Father. thank you for blessings, both in colorado and in utah. and thank you that both places get to be my home on earth now. :)

life is an adventure, and i'm glad God is my Captain.
Jeremiah 29:11