ducks.

tonight zach and i took a stroll around sugar house park, praying. the weather was gorgeous and the sunshine, endearing. we walked along this stream with a little waterfall which flows into a lake. everything was beautiful and i dare say i found my new prayer walk oasis. however, the thing that left the biggest impression on me from the whole park was the ducks in the lake. wait, that isn't the whole picture. what was so fascinating to me was how the ducks were surrounded by the middle-aged couple who were standing there feeding them pieces of bread. the ducks just crowd this little area of the lake where the food is coming. they know it's coming, they're waiting for it. the ducks are hungry and they look forward to being fed, it's something they ENJOY.

God planted this little thought in my mind, as my fiance was praying: this should be how i crave God's word.

we've heard it before. the metaphors of how the Bible is our spiritual nourishment, our "food" for the soul. this has never really clicked with me because truthfully, it's tough getting up early to read my bible. i have to hop in the shower before doing so, because without it i would fall back asleep. i'm sorry but the way i crave a chipotle burrito is not the way i crave a Quiet Morning with Truth. isn't that sad? why is this so?? i wanted to explore further what God has to say about it...so, lets dig in. :)

john 6:35 "then Jesus declared, 'I am the bread of life. whoever comes to Me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in Me will never be thirsty."

this was true for the ducks. they knew that to be fed, they would have to go to the source...the people feeding them. it's so simple. our souls need feeding, and God's Word is our source. God's Word fills us up.

you know, you can eat and be filled...but go hungry later. the point is, with God's Word being our "food"...we still need it. it's a DAILY necessity. you may have read the Bible your whole life, and i guarantee you still need it. God still has something for you. you may have never opened up a bible, and i guarantee you will still get something out of it. God has something for you, too. i don't want to live my life starving my soul. i don't want to be malnourished inside. i want to be energized and ready for the day by feeding my soul. this is what will sustain us.

matthew 5:6 says, "blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled."

so go and be filled with the one thing True in all of our lives. His Holy Word: so beautiful, so lasting, so precious. amen.

(picture from jibfigs.com)

time.

okay so here it is. sometimes i get this overwhelmed feeling when i sit there and think about all the things that need to get done. the responsibilities that come with being a grown up. car insurance, health insurance, savings accounts, rent, and all the little things that break and you need to fix in between. it's overwhelming to me, it really is. so on thursday night i have this feeling, and i miss my family, and oddly...i miss my childhood.

it scared me for those couple hours i was dwelling on it, thinking about how fast time is going. it felt depressing to me that growing up IS inevitable and you can't stop it no matter what. i was thinking about little babies and how fast they grow and soon they're toddlers to children to adolescents to teenagers to adults. our life is completely determined by time. it seems like we don't have enough time. it really is amazing to me that we can't beat it, we can't fight it, we can't overcome it. time changes us, and we can never go back to a previous time in our life...and if we could, it probably wouldn't be the same.

two things i have learned about that fact:

one, cherish every special moment you have...because time is ticking and that moment will soon be over. if you are single, enjoy that singlehood and time you spend with your best friends; if you are in a relationship, enjoy sharing that deep connection with a person; if you are young, enjoy the beauty and adventure in life; if you are old, enjoy the experience you've built and the wisdom you've gained. appreciate where you are, what you have, and don't let any of it pass you by without some gratitude in your heart. the reason i say this, is because i miss many different stages in my life. i miss high school and hanging out with the most amazing friends every single day, i miss my childhood and special memories with my beautiful family, i miss college and what God taught me through the whole journey...and now here i am, engaged and wishing that time would speed up to the wedding. well, i'm sure someday i am going to miss this special moment in my life too. so i'm going to cherish it. and quit letting the moment pass me by all too soon.

the second, and more important thing i have learned is this, pay close attention. i know that time may be winning in this life, but will never be an issue in the life to come. eternity. timeless, never ending, forever, infinity. this is what's to come. and on top of that, if you know Jesus, you get ALL the time in the world (and beyond) to brisk in perfection, happiness, joy, NO TEARS. i know that life is hard, and sometimes we WANT to speed up time...but in Heaven, there is no pain. there is only God and His Children and we'll never have to miss or long for anything ever again.

this gives me hope amidst my random freak-outs about growing up. each day is a day i'm closer to spending with my Lord in Heaven, and i know that i'm always a child to Him. so time may not seem like our friend in this life, but we get an abundant supply of it in the next. may that drive you to know Jesus more, and long for your true Home. choose Jesus, choose Heaven, choose Forever.

God's grace is all over it.

i have to say, God's grace is all over my move to utah.

i am starting to feel....drum roll, please...

HOME.

now don't get me wrong, i will always be a colorado girl at heart, and i have mannnny people there who are NEAR and DEAR to my heart who are still there. but the first two months of living in utah have been a slow and steady pace of getting better and better. i'm running at a good rate at feeling more comfortable around these people, around this place. i'm beginning to feel like the salt lake city rock is my family, that i'm a part of it all. and i know that will change even more tonight, when i begin serving in the children's church with my darling fiance. i know i'm putting on my big girl pants when i refuse to follow zach around after the service is over, waiting for someone to talk to me. i know that all these things that felt awkward and were hard to do at first, really paid off. and i know that God's grace is all over it.

i feel established. which is pretty funny, because i will be making a move to a place with my soon-to-be-husband in just a few short months. however, i feel comfortable at home, growing in love for my roommates and for Jesus. i feel comfortable at work, like a part of the staff, understanding the way things work around the office. i feel okay when i'm driving and i don't take out the GPS because i am getting the system of how the streets work and which direction is south. i know God's grace is all over it.

the best thing, however, is the relationships that are beginning to form. God made it clear i was going to live here, he directly answered my prayer there. but i never knew that maybe, just maybe, i NEED these Christians in my life. i need to connect with people that are similar to me and share the love of Jesus with. God has been incredible in bringing amazing women into my life to laugh with, to talk with, to learn from, and to grow with. this is my FAMILY and it looks like i'm going to be here a while, so i can't wait to see what God does with these and how they change my life. God's grace is all over it.

and i have to say, i am loving to see zach and i grow as a couple. i love seeing his face every day, and doing the day-to-day tasks that we might as well get used to doing together. i love taking lunch breaks at work and getting to hang out with him for those thirty minutes. i love going on saturday bible and workout adventures for an extended period of time. i love learning from him, i love being challenged by his humility and other attributes i seem to lack. :) i love the idea of a future with this man, and i'm so thankful it's finally here...our life together in this process of becoming one. God's grace is all over it.

amazing Grace, how sweet the sound. :)

to all girls, everywhere.

this is for girls, all girls...fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of Everything.

sometimes it's hard to feel beautiful. i mean, seriously look around and everywhere you look there is always going to be someone more "worldly" beautiful. and i am the worst of all at comparing myself. it's so easy to look confident on the outside...however that isn't necessarily how i feel. a woman feeling beautiful is hard in a world where there is such a fine and impossible standard for beauty. maybe that's not true, maybe it's only a struggle for some, or maybe only me. but i feel like Satan uses these comparison games: actresses, models, other girls...anything to get us feeling down on ourselves.

well because it's a particular struggle in this moment, i decided to read my Bible at this late (or early) hour of 1 am. this is what i found:

"You have stolen my heart, my sister, my bride; you have stolen my heart with one glance of your eyes, with one jewel of your necklace. How delightful is your love, my sister, my bride! How much more pleasing is your love than wine, and the fragrance of your perfume than any spice!" -song of songs 4:9-10

i literally am in tears at this, because it's God's Holy Bible, so it's true. God is so enthralled by you, my sister. He LITERALLY thinks you are a prized possession, the MOST beautiful thing! FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. i don't even get this, trust me, i feel not good enough all the time. i feel like i'm falling short in comparison to every other girl ALL the TIME. i know it's going to take a lot more than writing a blog to really pound this in my head. but tonight, in this moment, i feel humbled. i feel like God thinks i am beautiful. and that is everything. His Love is so Perfect. His Love is Sustaining. His opinion is Worthy!

every girl wants to feel like she is the most beautiful to someone, and guess what? we are. God truly is wrapped up in your beauty, He really does think you are the most beautiful. His Love is SO BIG that He can think we are all the most beautiful, and it would be true...it's infinite. You can divide it and it's still infinity love, ALL for you. He does not show favoritism. it's hard, i know, not to look at this world and think about what beautiful should look like. it's hard not to look around at other people and not feel good enough, or think "if only i looked like her, then i would be loved." but the truth is, you are loved with a Perfect Love. you can be secure because of an Unfailing Promise. you ARE Beautiful because GOD MADE YOU FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY. now we just need to let it sink in, and believe it. jealousy is ugly, and insecurity is a trap. don't forget your identity and who God says you are.

want to be truly beautiful? seek God and be changed by Him. that is real beauty, to the Only One who matters. i would rather be Beautiful in His eyes forever than to be beautiful by the standards of this world for a short while.

Charm is deceptive and beauty is FLEETING; BUT A WOMAN WHO FEARS THE LORD IS TO BE PRAISED. -Proverbs 31:30

things that make me excited.

-making a married blog. i know it's dorky, but it will be so fun to write all about our newlywed adventures in here, since blogging is such a neat way to express yourself. not to mention, easy.
-finding a place to live, and decorating it so it feels like home. we looked at apartments today, and we want to look at duplexes, etc. i can't wait to see where God leads us because i know it will be perfect. i am so excited to be roomies with zach, cause he's pretty neat. :)
-becoming a better cook. i made stuffed peppers last night and i just want to keep trying new things left and right!
-finding a more secure identity in God as my Father. it's so easy to want to find validity in other people's opinions of me, but i just want to grow more and more confident in who God says i am.
-growing deeper friendships with my sisters in Utah. i just want to find women i can run hard with, and be challenged by. i never want to sit still in my walk with God!
-getting a dog...sooner. my uncle and aunt have 2 golden retrievers who just had 8 puppies this week! talk about TEMPTING. zach and i are discussing, but they are my #2 favorite dog, and it would be lovely keeping them in the family. i want a little baby pup so bad. :)
-summer dresses. i want sunshine on my legs again. i love the warmth on my skin, and i just crave the nice weather.
-enjoying working out. i hear once you keep doing it for a long enough time, you start to like it. wellll, i still don't. :) but we've been consistent in going 3-4 times a week and i just want to get toned up for the wedding, jamaica, and just LIFE. its sad when your metabolism decides to stop working as well, to be honest.
-painting. i love painting outside in the summer, and i just want that to happen again.
-getting my passport. that should be coming in 4-6 weeks, and i'm excited to feel "official" haha.
-seeing my colorado friends. how lucky i get to look forward to going home to things like a bridal shower, and bachelorette party with my closest friends. i feel blessed they are so supportive of me, and making this engagement such a happy one.
-juuust life and livin' it. :)

something bigger.

God is at work here in Utah. It's really amazing to see. Last night really encouraged my soul, because of all the amazing things I get to be a part of here at The Rock Church. I feel so humbled that God would lead me here, and I don't want to waste the opportunity I can have here. Eleven years ago The Rock Church was started by two families who moved to Utah from Colorado. They would have Sunday service in the house of the pastor, for four adults...including himself. Today there are three locations, five services, and around 1200 people attending. Praise the Lord. We also just reached a million dollars raised to purchase land and build a larger church in Sandy. This is so important in Utah because of the culture. Another amazing thing is that a really well-known architect told Bill Young (pastor) that he wants to make the church his own "project" this year! So pray like crazy for more souls to be saved through the future location of The Rock Church, Sandy.

I want to be giving it my all to be part of this big picture. I want to speak boldly, love abundantly, speak graciously, and shine brightly. This world needs JESUS and we have now to show them. I feel so encouraged after the Church Address last night and hearing what's at work and what's in store for the year. I want less of me and more of Christ in every aspect of my life. I want to run harder than ever before, and not waste a minute of it.

God is jealous for our love. I couldn't stop thinking that last night during worship. God wants to be first, He wants my devotion. I have the Love of a Savior that is solely mine and the Security of being in the hands of the Creator of the Universe. Why doesn't this motivate my EVERY thought and action? It's too easy to get caught up in the world, but I want no more of it. Lord, I want to live out your Purpose for me, because it is the only thing that will last.

I'm here for souls and I'm here for You. That's the cry of my heart. May I never give my heart to something else.

glory to God.

this year is really looking up. :)

my papa is in great condition, so thank you all for joining me with in prayer for him. today he was walking around, eating, cussing and everything. THAT is how you know my papa is fine, is if he's cussing!

this week has been sooo much better than last! so much to share, and i want God to get all the glory, i really do.

i had an interview on monday for the ronald mcdonald charity house. after the interview, i can't even explain to you the feeling i felt. it was like, i knew that was it when i walked out the doors. i called my mom, and she said it was the happiest i've sounded since i've moved here thus far! so, i just was happier after that. tuesday, i'm hanging around the house talking to my deear friend andrea on the phone, when alas, ronald mcdonald house is calling on the other line! turns out, they wanted me to work there. SO AMAZING. better yet, thursday was my first day! i got to start pretty much right after the background check came back in!

I LOVE it so far! my title is called "guest services coordinator" and i basically am in charge of handling guests money who are staying at the house, talking with the social worker to see if a family is eligible to be staying at the house, and giving tours, answering phones, making informational signs, etc. it's just fun--a lot of administrative work. it's so rewarding when i see volunteers or donations being brought in by random people! today the boys and girls club came in to volunteer their time, they were called the "flu crew" and they went around the whole house disinfecting doorknobs and stuff like that. it's important to keep the facility nice and clean, because kids staying there have such weak immune systems, that even the cold can kill them you know? man, it's hard to hear stories of what some of these kids are at the hospital for. but it's amazing being able to work at a place that really helps these people out as much as we can! basically, the charity is for families who have a kid in the hospitals nearby SLC to have a "home away from home" and we only charge $15 a night for them to stay. people/groups volunteer to do breakfast/lunch/dinners for everyone! the house i work at holds 25 families, but there are two other houses two blocks away. we bought land and are in the process of expanding the whole building to be one large facility. it's just amazing that this is all run off people and companies donations. this world has a lot of good, ya know.

OH and not to mention, i love my co-workers, and already feel like i'm getting the hang of everything! so awesome.

anyways. i've also experienced a lot of love from the people out here so far. tuesday night, zach and i were invited to josh and krista whitney's to play cards and eat dessert. that was wonderful, and i had such a good time! wednesday night i cooked a crock pot dinner (my first one ever!) and fed zachary, then we watched parenthood and the biggest loser on hulu off the tv! oh and scrib joined us. :) then thursday audree hosted dinner at her place and invited liz, cara and myself over. it was so great, we had pasta, alfredo, chicken and pesto. oh and garlic bread and wine! mmmmm. i want that all again, already. then we met pretty much my whole church family at a little coffee shop where steele was playing, followed by a more acoustic (ish) version of kingston. it was a lot of fun! tonight was bryan's surprise party so i spent the whole night LAUGHING at myself and friends in a long and awkward game of QUELF. if you haven't played it, i suggest you doooo.

also, i love my roommates. becki and amy are fantastic, and i feel so blessed.

and my routine with God has been so good. i'm already feeling so much more encouraged then i have been. i've spent my mornings in the one-year chronological bible, followed by some proverbs for the day. then as i'm getting ready for work, i've been listening to the faithwalkers messages at the same time. so great to have access to those now! i already feel so much closer to God, and i've been able to pray on my way to work and i just feel so encouraged. tomorrow is saturday so i can't wait to spend a long morning at starbucks reading His Word with zach, and praying and talking, and setting some spiritual goals for the year. i really am challenged to do that after listening to some of the FW messages. so good.

i keep thinking, God is really comforting me and making it CLEAR that i really am supposed to be here. He has blessed my move here so much more than i can say, and it's only been two weeks pretty much. i can't believe i already have a full-time job, a place to live, a church family, my fiance' and everything. God is my FATHER, and He truly does care for my needs. makes me so encouraged for the future. i just wanted to write about all the happy stuff, because it really has been good. i can tell i'm growing already and most of all, i just love feeling so thankful for my King. i always want to have gratitude in my heart.

God bless us, everyone. :)