day six.

day six.

today was another hard day. i presume it's because today is sunday, and sundays are my football/family days. sundays are days where i usually stay in my sweats all day, and eat delicious homemade soup or chili or spaghetti that my dad makes, and watch the broncos. i love those times. and today, was different. for one, utah wasn't even showing the broncos game on tv and so we had to watch it on zach's computer. secondly, we had to watch it with no sound, because austin was also watching the game in the living room of chicago vs. greenbay. soooo, not really my ideal football watching experience. i think i just needed to cry again today. it seems so petty, like i'm crying over something so silly like football, but it means so much more to me. i just kept thinking, "i want to be HOME" but i know in due time, this place will start feeling like home.

my grandpa is still in the hospital, which worries me a lot. he broke a few ribs from CPR. i found out that he was golfing and had a heart attack on the sixth hole, and had to have his heart shocked THREE times before responding. i am so thankful he did, i really am. he was recovering well, until two days ago when i found out there was excessive bleeding. it's just so up and down, it makes me so scared. my grandpa is the funniest and scariest man i've ever known. he's a rebel, and he sure loves life. i don't know if he knows Jesus. i know christian men, pastors, have gone to see him in the hospital before and that really softened his heart. i pray he knows Jesus. anyways, they did an MRI this afternoon, and tomorrow they're setting him up with a pace-maker for his heart. i hope that helps. my papa has a lot of fight to him. i just wish i could be there to go see him, and to comfort my dad too. please pray for my grandpa wes if you're reading this. i really want to see him again.

on a brighter note, i did get a job offer. it's for a hostessing position at the fiddler's elbow bar. it isn't a big step or anything and they keep assuring me that i won't get a lot of hours at all, no more than 20 a week, and it'll usually be weekends and nights. so, i have two more interviews this week and i PRAY they go well. they are more "grown up" positions, which i really am looking for. paid my first month's rent, and already see my desperation for a job. God will provide as He has...i'm just being very stretched in a lot of ways. i'm excited to see how these interviews go, and what opportunities will arise, and i really pray God will lead me to the perfect spot.

one thing out of all this is i am feeling closer to my God again. my need for Him is so much more apparent. my desire to spend time with Him is stronger. my heart is softer. so, i am thankful for that. i just want God to drive it home to me that He is enough, and that He is my home. the thought of abraham being willing to sacrifice his son for the Lord keeps going through my mind, because i can never imagine having the faith to sacrifice one of my family members. i feel like in a way i am, because i'm here, without any of them, and it kills me. so that story just keeps running through my head, and all of hebrews 11 is good for me. i memorized it once, and i bet i can't do it all the way through anymore. at least i know what i'll have zach start quizzing on me soon. :) well, i know things are going to get easier, just wanted to write a little more about this transition.

God is good, all the time.